cleavage by jfb, seeing yourself in movies and books, my trans comfort zone, breast envy, zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, storm of humanity
i had a more accomplishing day yesterday... and i resisted temptation to turn on the news in the afternoon... choosing instead to read...
i have made good progress in cleavage... by jennifer finney boylan... it is so helpful to me in locating myself in the trans-feminine spectrum to read and watch stories of trans people... having been cis-white-male most of my life, i have always had stories centered on that experience to read-watch... until i entered trans territory, i didn't understood how important it was to see yourself in the stories the world tells...
i am surprised by how afraid ms. boylan is that she will be discovered to be a trans woman in situations where there could be neanderthal men who would get violent... i remember being afraid of men i would pass on the street in the beginning... but i have been fortunate to experience very little adverse reaction to my feminine presentation, though i am not trying to pass as a woman at this point... perhaps that is less offensive to neanderthals somehow?... or is it just that i live and travel in liberal communities?...
i can't be a woman without doing hormone blockers, surgery, and taking voice lessons... all this i have learned from ms. boylan and other sources... i learn that her vagina fooled even gynecologists... that she can have an orgasm... and that her breasts grew large with the hormone therapy... no need to have breast enhancements... i now wonder whether, if i had gotten to the place i am now when i was in my forties, or earlier, i would have contemplated making a full transition... i didn't really have a choice about getting to where i am now... i was totally compelled to go feminine... it stopped short of wanting to fully transition though... maybe it's because i thought it would be a bridge too far for my wife... that was part of it... but i also believe i am too old for full transition... why, at age 71, do i want to mess with my hormones?... i am already in the heightened cancer risk age zone though fortunately cancer isn't a big issue in the family genes... no need to tempt fate...
i am a little jealous of breasts and vaginas... especially breasts... i have breast and vagina envy... what would freud make of that?
i am happy with where i am at right now... i like being a femmen... a gender fluid person... a womanly man... i believe there is space and need for that in the world... though my fluidity mostly runs to as much femme as possible... removal of most bodily hair... makeup, especially lipstick... dresses... i only dress masculine for business and in situations where i am in places that are especially conservative or that i don't know what the tolerance levels might be... i only have to do business-male once a week and i mostly stick to liberal environments...
this past week i have watched several trans positive movies... anything's possible... boy meets girl... monica... the first two helped me understand that it is ok not to have actual girl parts (even if the trans women being portrayed both aspired to them and would have surgery when they could afford it...)... monica was an art film... very poingant, well acted, but less informative for my own transness... i suppose because the trans woman in it had fully transitioned which is something i will never do... really good film though...
i have been contemplating what to bring to wear on block island for her mother's 95th birthday... holly's brothers will be there... they have not witnessed my full femme... especially her brother from texas who already thinks i am a sissy... also, it's a poignant family celebration as it seems unlikely she will make it to her next one... i don't want to provoke unecessary drama... on the other hand... i don't like dressing masculinely... what do i do?... am i somewhat selfish?... and do it anyway?... let the brothers deal?... everyone else knows... and accepts it...
this morning one of my favorite substacks, the honest broker, by ted gioia, was about the book zen, and the art of motorcycle maintenance, by robert m. parsing... i love this book... i have read it several times... the sequel too... i am not alone in this to be sure...
Even fifty years after its publication, this is still a unique novel. And at its core thereās a powerful ideaāmore inspiring than logic because it draws on the defining mythos of our culture, and maybe all cultures. Thatās more than enough to keep drawing readers to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance so many years after its debut.
highly recommend as does tg...
some photos from this morning...
scenes from a storm of humanity...
About a week before Trump launched Operation Epic Fury, attacking Iran alongside Israel, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Dan Caine warned that the lack of support from allies and depleted reserves of interceptors and Patriot missiles would make an attack on Iran risky.
and...
In his message to Congress yesterday announcing he had taken āmilitary actionā¦against the Government of the Islamic Republic of Iran,ā Trump wrote: āIt is not possible at this time to know the full scope and direction of military operations that may be necessary.ā
and...
Tonight the U.S. Southern Command, which operates in Central and South America and the Caribbean, posted: āOn March 3, Ecuadorian and U.S. military forces launched operations against Designated Terrorist Organizations in Ecuador. The operations are a powerful example of the commitment of partners in Latin America and the Caribbean to combat the scourge of narco-terrorism. Together, we are taking decisive action to confront narco-terrorists who have long inflicted terror, violence, and corruption on citizens throughout the hemisphere.ā