tradwifery, needs vs wants, accepted into portals photography show, kitten heel sandals
yesterday i was grateful for yoga with anne and perfectly cooked salmon for dinner...
today i am looking forward to my modeling gig at burkelman...
day 4 of journaling on my blog...
i was thinking about the article i shared about tradwife nostalgia yesterday... i don't want to give the impression that patriarchal traditional wives are always misguided, misdirected, whatever... i actually embrace the womanhood betty friedan referred to as "feminine mystique"... my concept of womanliness for myself trends towards the heightened feminine of the mystique... and... in both my marriages i was not the main breadwinner... in the first one, that did not work out that well, though there were numerous reasons the marriage failed... in my second and forever marriage it has been much more workable... in part that is because i recognized i wasn't the main breadwinner and that i needed to find ways to contribute to our life together, so i took on the bulk of the domestic responsibilities... i cook, i clean, i shop... so, in a way, i am a tradwife... i have no difficulties being that... i was not good at making money in any kind of consistent way... i certainly contributed financially and do now... but my wife continues to be the main breadwinner in retirement... she is responsible for 3/5ths of our income... we balanced it and it works... and assuming the tradwifely role was one of the things that created the space for me to realize i preferred a feminine presentation... and pursue it...
along these lines i will share this post i found in lithub this morning... it's a view of motherhood in combination with a career that is privileged in the same way betty friedan's feminism applied mostly to white, upper middle class woman... but... within that understanding of motherhood and career, it speaks well to the difficulties of career plus motherhood...
Money wasn’t the only currency I paid to avoid my burial. Keeping house well (which I felt obligated to do to ‘make up’ for my meager financial contribution to the household), minding the kids four to five days a week and nudging along a literary career all at the same time left my brain stretched. My mental health suffered. During my second pregnancy and for more than a year after giving birth to my second child, depressive periods ebbed and flowed, growing deeper and longer each time.
i so identify with the keeping house obligation of often meager financial contributions...
i don't think i have shared that i had a photograph accepted into the portals show at photo place gallery in vermont... after a long hiatus i have begun submitting to opportunities again... this is the second submission i have made and the first i have been accepted to... here is the photograph...
this photograph is one of a bunch of photographs i have made over the last 10 years that pointed to my eventual openly feminine presentation... at the time i made it i was thinking more of a male appreciation of the feminine... at least consciously... the male gaze... but in retrospect, maybe it was just as much an aspirational female gaze... i am working on assembling images and writings into a book that speak to my trans feminine experience...
some photos...
... haven't worn these heels too often... got them last fall and it quickly turned too cold... learning to walk in them...
