men, hostility and sexual attraction
on my walk this morning i pass two men who make the hairs on my neck stand… i sense their hostility…
the first one is white and wiry… a junk yard dog sort of fellow… i do not look him in the eye in case he considers it a challenge, as any junkyard dog would do… as i walk past and continue down the sidewalk i stop to make a photograph… mostly so i can turn and check that he isn’t following me… he’s not… but he has stopped and his gaze is following me down the street… i have less to fear from any given man than most women do, but i do feel afraid and i can empathize with the near universal fear women have of men in isolated situations…
the second one is black, tall and muscular… he has thick african american lips… i do look him in the eyes… they penetrate through me… is he glaring?… or is this his normal morning demeanor?… i am beguiled by his lips and imagine painting them with a luscious red lipstick… i am both afraid of, and attracted to him… is my fear increased because he is a black man?… is my attraction because he is large and muscular enough to make me feel the weaker sex?…
and…
is the reason men can be so hostile to the trans woman that they are attracted to their female signaling, aroused even... and recoil from that attraction?… it doesn’t matter how beautiful, womanly and fully transitioned a trans woman is, it would still be sex with a man on some level?… wouldn’t it?…