on being authentic
gratitude...
yesterday i was grateful for a friend's good health news, the community of the farmer's market and the continued community of Catoberfest!...
today i am looking forward to preparing for Block Island, a trip to COSTCO, with a stop at Danbury Fair Mall to look at the fall fashion offerings...
i had quite a social stretch this past week... a drag show fund raiser on thursday... a friend's album release party saturday night... a fundraiser for the local cat shelter on sunday... i moved through all of this without alcohol...
up until the start of this year i was a two cocktails every night sort of person... martinis usually... an annual exam at the beginning of the year which revealed my borderline diabetic situation and the legalization of cannabis combined to get me off alcohol... my A1c number was down .4 three months after i stopped drinking alcohol...
once i got used to cannabis as a relaxant, i had very little desire to have a martini or two... so, when this very social weekend arrived i was in a posture of very little alcohol... social situations in the past have generally led to overindulgence and hangovers the next morning... it was hard not to drink (and eat) at parties... what i noticed this past weekend was that i didn't feel compelled to drink alcohol and i was able to function very well without it... no tension or nervousness... just generally easy conversation...
... as i think about it, my newfound comfort in social situations, not needing to drink, is largely because of my transition to feminine presentation... to being authentically who i am... one might think that being an anomalous presence would lead to more, not less drinking... but it hasn't... to be sure... i live and move in communities that have been very supportive and accepting of me as the human being i wish the world to see... but even amongst these loving and supportive communities, before i transitioned, i was anxious and drinking (and overeating) in social situations...
i have heard that authenticity is very important to kids these days... and by kids, i guess i mean anyone under the age of 40... in Beacon, the kids have organized a bi-monthly "Nights of Authenticity," dedicated to being creatively yourself...
my sense also is that being happily and positively my anomalous and authentic self shifts things for people around me... a young waitress in Seattle befriended me... she wrote me a note that ended with the thought that she hoped i would always be unapologetically who i am... i am old enough to be her grandfather... she may be an unusually gregarious young woman, but i believe my unapologetically me presence was a part of the reason she could engage across the generational divide...